Hello, I am theo:)

Tuesday, February 28, 2006 { 3:44 AM }

life can be really tiring when it's coming to an end. maybe it's the turning point of my life. i found out many things. i dont understand why must people be so fake. one can suck up to people who has more power than oneself, although they dont like them. the way the world is changing, it's really scary. i need someone to stand by me in times so happiness, sadness. but i doubt anyone would do that. nobody understands me. nobody will. i only need someone to understand how i feel. is that really very hard? i have feelings. i'm not a standby friend. when they/she are/is not here, you/you all will then think about me, if not..i'm all alone again. i'm a loner. a hermit crab arent i? you/you all thought you/you all know me, but you dont. i'm a person who looks strong, but i aint. but although i'm not very strong, i dont cry easily, and i put up a brave front. that is me..so i guess you can never guess what i'm thinking about. but you certainly will and can know how i'm feeling right then.
today had shooting. managed to skip eng which is good because there's two period of eng today. on the way to the range, we saw RI. this reminded me of joy, but..nevermind. i'm numbed anyways. then we went to the old pa not the new hpa. i thought we would go to the new one, but nope. i was wrong. we sat at the drill shed and waited because we were the second last school to reach there. while waiting, everyone did their own things while i sat there day dreaming. i was super duper bored..but nobody noticed. they just did their things. it doesnt matter anyways, i'm always left alone. and we shot..soon after a long wait, it's time for us to return home. after we boarded the bus, mr lee started to read our score. i thought i failed you know, but anyways, it's no big deal what..it doesnt mean if you dont get a marksmen, you have no prospect. unless you want to be a police. ok. so some people started out weeping. but it ended with wails. they talked about bonding. i dont see that our squad is bonding. is those few people together. ok..i'm all alone aint i? you can say i'm the one not enthu, but i'm not. always when they are talking, they'll pull each other to one side, leaving only me. if you hate me..then dont act as though you like me can? it'll hurt me more if i find it out. i know everyone hates me. i sux..and i knew it. i knew it. i guess twp years together isnt a big deal right? it can be broken easily. i dont see a reson why our bond can be kept...mr lee said about the friendship that will last forever, but i dont see it. there'll never be a frinedship that will last till eternalty. there isnt. not mine.
think about who you may be but if you know, or would you just think about the way i feel? and so..on the way back to school , i sat on the bus alone. it's a long and never ending journey..i have to learn to walk this never ending road..without you..without anyone. it's a long, long journey, till i know where i'm suppose to be..

Saturday, February 11, 2006 { 3:57 AM }

i deleted the previous post. i think i'm like talking rubbish. hahaas. yesterday dont have english lesson. so funny. those people in front, sam and charissa they all were like mouthing some songs while we were like singing for them. so funny. they did titanic and wu ding, and i was the pei4 yin1. i sing until so full of feelings, then they act until so comical. then it was like so weird and the whole class was all quiet and listening cum watching at what was happening. then there was once mr goh came in. sam and charissa were still acting. and the class was dead quiet. and they continued until he spoke. hahaas. but i liked the last period most(: can continue doing it some day. something i feared most happened to me. haiz..i just hope people dont think the wrong way. we had to go for the o levels, so np started at 4. we fall in, then had a lot of checks. and we made nco pump. i think we were a bit bad aint we..and we were like laughing when they pumped lor..we had welcome party which seemed fun, but not fun at all. played only one pathetic game. and the game made me so scared. i hate the balloons bursting..and the sound. it all made me shiver. so scared, so i just stood at a corner with jianan and celeste. after that we had some refreshments and wenty back to 32 classroom block. then we got scolded. they said we are not setting good examples and that we dont mix. they said we talk among ourselves and were not properly attired. but those noises were not made by us. they said when everyone was disappointed in us, they didnt give up hope. are we hopeless at all. it's that we have potential that are not yet shown. people just dont give us a chance. sigh..i think i'm the most useless girl in the squad. i think no matter how hard i try, i'll never suceed in whatever i do. amybe not now. i have no fate with people around me, but i'm not sad. i just accept whatever i'm given by destiny. i believe on day i'll suceed in life. am i not friendly? do i not look friendly? actually if you start to talk to me, i'll talk a lot also to you. it's just people dont want to strike the conversation first. i'm like that. and if you think i'm not friendly, dont get the wrong idea(:

Friday, February 03, 2006 { 8:23 PM }

so many things happened during these few days. dont know what happened, i became sick all of a sudden. maybe it wasnt all of a sudden at all, but it's god's plan. hahaas. had stomachaches and kept vomitting. i almost planned not to go to school on thursday, but i still went, not knowing that si min was sick. and for the whole day, i sat there all alone. lonely, i'm mr lonely, i have nobody, i'm on my own. yes..indeed. for the whole day, i sat there half sleeping, because as i was saying earlier, i'm not well. i cant eat. eat already must vomit, so i didnt eat, and weirdly, i dont feel a slightest bit hungry. i felt so much better on friday, but still wasnt good..so i didnt go for np. i guess people might be thinking i'm slacking, but it's all true. i ask my maid to buy a packet of rice home when i got back home and guess what? after eating it, i vomitted again. what a waste. luckily i didnt go np, if not..i'm going to vomit there. ok..after school walked out with hui si and sharon. then all the way it was so funny. recently, i'm feeling rather bored in school, without anyone sitting beside me, besides si min. and if si min doesnt come, i'll become a freak. all the teachers came on that day and asked me what happened to them. it's like i have a kind of bug that spreads to tohers causing them to be sick and unable to come to school. hahaas. some funny happened on friday..as i was walking to school, rushing I'm not sure if Ravyna wants to join in. But we tried looking for Mrs Soh. She wasnt at the staff room. So we got Ms Liang to help us ask if she could allow us to excuse ourselves for 1 period or so to join in the party. But we arent sure. So maybe on Monday we'll go ask again.

Mummy's friends are over at our house. They threw a CNY party lah. From the moment i got home from school, they had already been playing mahjong. Even till now they are still playing mahjong. Had steamboat for dinner. And we'll be having it again tomorrow when we have a party with our relatives at our house. Daddy left for a party at his friend's house. He wanted me to go along, but i fell asleep. I was too tired lah. That stupid Physics homework so difficult. Make me think so much...

It's seems like a time for partying for many people. So many parties are being thrown and I have been spending the last few days going to parties held by relatives of friends of my parents ! Hahaha, nevermind, more angpows !
What a tangy treat.tives of friends of my parents ! Hahaha, nevermind, more angpows !
What a tangy treat.